Of Living and Dying
by BecauseFandom
Summary: Often, the moment when you most feel alive is the moment when you're about to lose everything. A series of related one-shots regarding characters from the Marauders' era.
1. Remus Lupin

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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**AN: **The Sirius Black and Remus Lupin chapters contain **slash**, but the 'story' still makes sense if you choose to skip those chapters.

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**Of Living and Dying**

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Remus Lupin

Remus Lupin smiled in anticipation as he pulled out of the fierce kiss he had just been embroiled in. He imagined the dark hair falling casually across the defined, classically handsome features, the playful smile that always danced just on the edge of those lips, and the eyes. He could lose himself in those eyes. And now he imagined them alight with mirth and burning with desire.

But he knew, even before he opened his eyes, that that wouldn't be the sight that welcomed him. Since coming out of the proverbial cupboard, Remus had been hounded by males from all over the school. Suddenly, the elusive Marauders weren't so unobtainable. Some boys were just curious, some more serious. Sometimes Remus went with them, more often he didn't.

As he opened his eyes, he couldn't help but smirk. The anonymous boy was a passable – if somewhat superficial – imitation of the original. Hair painstakingly styled to suggest casualness, clear features still marred by childhood, and lips which smiled too broadly for the smile to be entirely natural. But they eyes were wrong. They were shallow, and boasted no life, but they did sparkle with lust.

And so, hating himself for it, Remus leant back into the embrace. Because it offered an easy distraction, and, in that moment, he just wanted to forget. Because it hurt, being in love.

He never expected it to be easy – Merlin, everyone knew it was damn near impossible – but he never expected it to hurt this much. Being in love with Sirius Black.


	2. Lily Evans

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Lily Evans

Lily Evans smiled up at the dark boy whom she was talking to. He had always fascinated her, and she was grateful that she could call him her best friend. But lately. Something had been amiss. Something in their relationship had changed and she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was.

He was talking again, and she watched as he reached out to touch her arm, She knew he was about to touch her, but in that instance when his hand made contact with her arm, she couldn't stop herself seeing a different boy. She still saw dark hair, but it was unruly, and full of life. Hazel eyes sparkled behind glasses instead of black tunnels. A carefree smile replaced the grim solemnity.

And Lily flinched away from the contact.

Because in that moment, she hadn't seen Severus Snape. She had seen James Potter.


	3. Peter Pettigrew

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Peter Pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew knew he shouldn't look at them. He knew that. But he couldn't stop himself.

Gathered in what was clearly the Slytherin section of the hall, they exuded an effortless glamour. They were dark and foreboding, and simultaneously beautiful and desirable. They were untouchable, untarnishable, and dangerous.

They were everything that, as a Gryffindor, Peter was opposed to. They were everything that he wasn't.

And yet he yearned to be accepted by them, to call himself one of them. They were everything that he wished he could be, everything that the Marauders couldn't offer him.


	4. Frank Longbottom

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Frank Longbottom

Frank Longbottom smiled down at the girl with whom he danced. He couldn't believe his luck that, after finally plucking up the courage to ask her out, she liked him the way he liked her.

As her arms tightened around his neck, he lent into the embrace, and sought comfort in her soft arms.

Because Frank was afraid – Merlin, he was terrified. He knew of the danger that lurked outside the castle walls, and he knew that his conscience demanded that he do something about it.

His mind was made up. He couldn't back down now. God only knew what his mother would do when she found out about his decision. But it was too late, his name was already down. When he finished his education at the end of the year, he was joining the aurrors.

He couldn't sit back and watch everything he loved in the world be destroyed, he couldn't let the darkness prevail over the light, he just couldn't.

And he couldn't lie to himself. He was _bricking_ it. He was putting his life on the line at only eighteen years of age. And sometimes he wondered if he was strong enough to go through with it.

The soft arms around his neck shifted slightly, and the beauty he danced with looked up at him questioningly, silently. She didn't need to speak her question, and he didn't need to ask.

He smiled down reassuringly. Because somehow he just knew. She would be with him through it all. And with her at his side, he could do anything. All would be right.

Where some people turned to God, Frank Longbottom turned to Alice.


	5. James Potter

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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James Potter

James Potter glared a Severus Snape with unbridled hatred. What did he have that James didn't?

His heart twisted as he saw his Lily smile at something the other boy said. Why did she never smile at him like that?

The love he felt for he was raw and intense, and it terrified him. At fifteen, he didn't know what to do with it. Yet he recognised it for what it was, and it scared him. Why did have to toy with hi so, to plague him with emotions that would never be reciprocated?

He watched in horror as the boy reached forwards to touch her, to mar her perfection with his slime. The hand seemed to slow to an almost imperceptible rate, and he imagined it twisting a lock of crimson hair between its fingers, grazing the cheek of the pale beauty it reached towards, touch her in a way that James would never be allowed to.

In that moment, James Potter's hatred for Severus Snape was born.

Feeling sick, James turned away. He never saw Lily Evans flinch.


	6. Sirius Black

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Sirius Black

Sirius Black was agitated. And he wasn't sure why.

He was at this stupid dance, with an attractive (and willing) girl, where there were surprisingly few teachers present. So why was he sat at a table, toying with his Butterbeer, studiously ignoring the couple entwined in a dark corner of the hall?

He didn't notice when his date left him, and he didn't care when he found that she had.

Unbidden by him, his eyes flicked towards the couple again. He thought, maybe, this was what had him so on edge. But he couldn't explain why.

He turned back to his Butterbeer, but his eyes were immediately drawn back to the couple by a subtle movement. He watched with an emotion akin to elation as the boy pulled back. He felt his heart soar, and he felt alive. For one glorious moment, all was right in the world. But then the boy leant back into the kiss, and the moment was shattered. But the final puzzle piece was revealed.

Suddenly, all was illuminated; all made sense. The looks they exchanged, the casual flirting, the need for proximity, the anxiety on separation, and the overbearing protectiveness. And it was bad.

It was really bad. Because Sirius Black did not do love. Not least of which for Remus Lupin.


	7. Severus Snape

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Severus Snape

Severus Snape was enthralled by the girl before him. He always was. But in this moment, she was smiling that breathtaking smile of hers at him. And he would do anything to see that smile.

Desperately searching for something to say, he began to ramble. He couldn't stop himself. He had spent so long loving her, that recently, desperation had set in. Their conversations had become stilted, they didn't flow anymore, they felt awkward, and forced. They always turned to school.

Just as the conversation was now.

He watched in horror as he saw her smile falter, and in desperation he reached out to touch her face, to keep her smile in place. But he changed course at the last moment, and settled for touching her arm.

And she flinched. Foe the first time in her life, she flinched away from the contact.

And in that instant, Severus Snape knew that he had lost. The first, and only, person he had ever loved would never love him back. In that instant, he knew he had lost Lily Evans forever. Maybe not right now, and maybe not to James Potter, but one day he would. One day she would fall for someone else, and his heart would finally shatter beyond repair.

And in that moment, Severus Snape made his choice. He chose his path.


	8. Bellatrix Black

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Bellatrix Black

Bellatrix Black surveyed the hall in disgust. Really, it was all just pathetic. Couples were taking the opportunity to show of their 'love' for one another. It was ridiculous: did they not realise that love was just a fictitious construct of the weak? It only served to break a person further?

Only two people in the hall drew her attention. One was Severus Snape: he had the potential to do great things, but there he was, fawning over the mudblood. The other was her cousin: she could see him, clear as day, gazing longingly at another man. He was a lost cause, a disgrace to the Black name.

Bellatrix did not believe in love. She had never felt it, and she never would. She was above such hollow lies.

She finished her disdainful survey of the room, and returned to the group she stood with. They did nothing to hold her interest. Even here, amongst those she was expected to consider her comrades, her superiority wasn't recognised. They couldn't see her for what she really was.

She was sick of it all. She was sick of only being seen as a good marriage prospect. She was sick of being seen as a woman all of the time. She wanted her chance to shine.

And soon she would have it. She would not return to the school after Christmas. Finally, she was of age. Finally, she could join the Dark Lord, the one who had been calling her to him since he first rose in power.

Finally, they would see her for what she was.

Bellatrix Black would be magnificent.


	9. Albus Dumbledore

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Albus Dumbledore

Albus Dumbledore surveyed the assembled students. He hoped that they would all make the right choice, and fight against the rising darkness. But in his heart, he knew that they wouldn't. Not all of them. For some of them, it was too late, the decision already made.

They would fall into three categories:

Those who lived up to their family name, their house expectations, and fought against the evil.

Their counterparts, who fought for the evil.

And those who surprised. Those who turned their backs on all that was expected of them, and fought for the light, or who betrayed those who relied on them.

He already suspected who would fall into which category. In some cases he already knew. He just wished that there was something that he could do about it, some way to change their decisions.

But even Albus Dumbledore could not change destiny.


	10. Remus Lupin again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Remus Lupin

As Remus Lupin flew through the air, he knew that this was it, this was the end. He knew that when he landed, there would be no turning back; that would be the end. He knew he would die.

And he wasn't afraid. He had never been afraid of dying. He always knew that his life lay on the line for the cause for which he fought. And he would gladly give it.

But he had a wife, and a child. And he still didn't feel _any_ of the 'appropriate' emotions regarding death. He welcomed it, because he wanted it. It was selfish, but he was excited.

And so, as he flew through the air, hit by an anonymous opponent's curse, he smiled to himself. His finally thoughts didn't linger on the wife he didn't really love, or the child he did love. It lingered on the one person he had ever really loved; the person he had lost without ever having told them how he really felt.

It wasn't that he was opposed to Tonks – far from it, it was just that she was a painful reminder. She was so like her cousin: headstrong, passionate, opposed to everything and anything dark, including her own family. But she wasn't _him_. She never would be, and she never could be. And Remus knew that, but still he married her. Because _his_ death broke Remus, and once more he sought refuge in another's arms.

And his son. He loved his son more than anything on earth. But even he was a painful reminder. Because, fleetingly, passingly, he looked like a younger version of _him_. He shared hints of the classical Black features, of the aristocracy.

And so, as Remus Lupin finally, finally, fell to the floor, he beamed. To himself, to the world, he didn't care which. Because this wasn't the end. This was just the beginning. And he would see _him_ again. He would be reunited with Sirius Black.


	11. Lily Potter

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Lily Potter

Lily Potter stared in defiance at the fiend who stood before her. She knew that her husband was gone, that this was the end for her, the end of her story. But she would be damned if this was the end for her son too.

Her words, her pleas, fell on deaf ears. She knew no spells that could save her, no tricks, no potions. Her faith in her magic, her faith in that which had previously proved infallible was gone. In her final moments she turned her faith to a magic greater than that of wand waving and incantations.

Standing firm before her infant child, she prayed desperately that he would somehow be saved. She imagined him growing up, loved and cared for by his Godfather. She imagined him learning to master his magic. She imagined him finding true friendship, finding true love.

The monster before her raised its wand slightly higher.

She imagined her son learning of the prophecy that had been made. She imagined her son learning the secrets of the world. She imagined her son fulfilling his destiny.

Finally, the devil gave up, and spoke the final curse.

And Lily Potter imagined, in her final instant on earth, her son living. Because so much, the lives of so many, now rested on his shoulders. Her son's fate had been sealed. And she imagined Harry Potter emerging triumphant.


	12. Peter Pettigrew again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Peter Pettigrew

Peter Pettigrew was impassive to the fact that the two boys he struggled with were little more than children – it didn't matter to others like him, so why should it matter to him? He could kill the spare, and take the one his master wanted to him. But he was putting up a fight. They both were.

His emotions had long since ceased to be entirely human. He felt no guilt over the people who he had killed, the people who he had betrayed, endangered. All that mattered was serving his master. And doing it well. Because, finally, he was one of them.

Unbeknownst to him, the boys were communicating silently. They didn't know what else to do, and finally they resorted to pleas. The boy whose neck Peter held in his shining hand, was begging with him, pleading him to let him go. But Peter was impassive, untouched. What did this boy matter?

And then the struggle shifted, the light changed. And the boy before him became someone else. Someone Peter knew well. Very well.

And in that one second where he saw his old friend, his hand loosened its grip. Peter showed a mercy he had long since forgotten.

Everything faded away. He no longer saw the boys before him, he forgot his surroundings. All he saw, and he felt, was his master's displeasure. And unbidden by him, his shining hand changed course, headed towards a different neck.

As Peter strangled himself, brutally, painfully, coherent thoughts failed to form. He was, as ever, confused. He had shown an emotion that he had thought he had buried. He had thought that he had made his decision long ago. He thought that his fate was set in stone, sealed. But perhaps he was wrong.

And as Peter took his final breath, he realised that, despite his own betrayal, James Potter had continued to protect his son in a way that only a father can. He had given something that not even the darkest magic could overcome.

Peter Pettigrew knew then. In his last living thought, he knew that Harry Potter would be the one to vanquish the Dark Lord.


	13. Frank Longbottom again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Frank Longbottom

Frank Longbottom stared in horror as the fiend before him raised her wand and pointed it at his chest. She smiled benignly, as though she were reading a mildly amusing book.

Frank's horror was not uncalled for. It wasn't in regard for his own safety – he was well aware of the risks of his job, of being part of the order – it was for the change that had occurred in the woman before him.

Bellatrix Black – _Lestrange_ – had always been _unusual, _but Frank would never have guessed that she could lose her humanity so entirely. He went to school with the girl, for Merlin's sake!

The woman studied his face intently, and with a smirk, turned her wand to the woman beside him. Frank's heart tore as his wife's screams rent the otherwise silent house. He could only count his blessings that his son was with his Grandmother this evening.

Then, the monster turned her wand back to him.

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Frank Longbottom smiled vacantly at the ceiling, oblivious to the voice screaming at him from the back of his mind.

He tipped his head experimentally to the side, and looked at the woman who lay silently in the bed next to him. The voice in his head screamed louder, and louder, protesting, fighting against being forgotten.

Neville Longbottom's eyes lit up with hope as he watched his father look to Alice Longbottom.

Then Frank Longbottom returned his gaze to the ceiling once more.

There are worse things in life than death.


	14. James Potter again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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James Potter

James Potter was not one to be afraid; through school he had forged himself a reputation for being unshakable, unshockable. In short, fearless.

But it was all a mask. Even then, if you had cared to look beneath the surface, you would have seen a scared boy. Calling out for attention, calling out for someone, anyone, to see him for him, rather than the persona he had construed.

That, however, was nothing, _nothing_, compared to the terror that swelled in his veins as he stood alone in the hallway of his house.

His fate was inescapable, he was doomed to die. He knew that, but it didn't stop his defiance. In a faint prophecy of his wife's actions, he refused to move aside.

Many people think only of themselves, or of one person, before they die. Almost as many would have expected the same from James Potter. But these people were the ones who never cared to lift the mask that adorned the man's face.

And so, as the villain before him raised his wand with a casual carelessness, James Potter knew how his death would affect the world.

He knew it would condemn his best friend.

He knew the secret of said best friend's love would die with him.

He knew a prophecy would be fulfilled in part.

He knew his wife would be widowed.

And he knew, most likely, his son would be, at best, orphaned.

He knew this, yet he raised his chin, and met his death like the man he had always wanted to be. And thus, James Potter met his end, a glimmer of mixed hope and despair alighting his eyes.


	15. Sirius Black again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Sirius Black

Sirius Black laughed. What else could he possibly do? The situation was just too absurd. Here he was, fighting desperately, for his life, and for lives of so many others, in the Department of Mysteries, against his cousin.

He briefly entertained the idea of her taking his life, but the bitter irony – oh, the irony that the family he had been trying to escape from for so long should ultimately decide whether he were to live or die – only served to make him laugh harder.

And then, he met his undoing.

In one, insignificant moment, that was nothing and yet everything, Sirius met his eyes. And for one moment, his attention wasn't focused on Bellatrix Lestrange.

Because Sirius Black saw the same fear reflected in his eyes. But there was no reason for him to be scared. Only Sirius was still fighting. There was no reason for him to look as though his life might be taken from him at any moment…

And the world stopped.

Bellatrix's curse hit Sirius squarely in the chest. And Sirius hardly felt it.

Because Sirius recognised that look. He wore it every time he saw him.

As he flew through the air, the gracefulness that had always befallen him remaining even now, he knew. He knew the futility of the years spent pining for his love.

As Sirius Black took his last breath he knew. Every ounce of affection he felt was reiterated unerringly by Remus Lupin.


	16. Severus Snape again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Severus Snape

Severus Snape was going to die. He always knew that. He was going to die protecting the memory of the only person he had ever loved. He was going to die for someone who could never love him like he loved her.

He gazed unseeingly into _her _eyes as he imparted his final secret. As he imparted the reason behind the lie that he called his life.

It was her eyes that he saw, that he thought of, as he passed over into the uncertainty that promised a safety impossible in a world where every inconsequential detail reminded him of her, of his betrayal, of his selfishness.

He welcomed death, because it was an escape.

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He never meant to impart the details of his relationship with her, only of the bare facts that Harry Potter needed to know in order to do what he must.

But her eyes had always held a power over him, and this was not the first time that they had forced him to reveal secrets he would rather have kept hidden.

In his final moment, Severus Snape, as ever, succumbed to the power that was held over him, even now, by Lily Evans.


	17. Bellatrix Lestrange

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Bellatrix Lestrange

Bellatrix Lestrange _was_ magnificent. Yes, she had married, but it meant nothing. Her husband knew as well as she that love was false, they both knew that it was a marriage of convenience. And it was.

But that was irrelevant. Because now, in the heat battle, she alone stood and fought beside her Lord. She alone remained by his side. None could hope to dispute her brilliance.

She laughed as her opponents – yes, opponents plural, she smiled to herself – struggled to match her. She laughed harder still as they were pushed aside by some _housewife_.

Bellatrix Lestrange, like her cousin, laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Here was the embodiment of everything that she knew to be false. And this woman thought that she stood a chance against her? Hah.

It was with this laughter that Bellatrix Lestrange finally met the conclusion to her 'magnificence'. As Molly Weasley dealt her final blow, Bellatrix felt nothing at all. Because, all in all, how could she?

How could Bellatrix Lestrange comprehend that the end of her magnificence, her brilliance, could be overcome by a mother's love? How could she understand that which she had never felt? How could she allow herself to be lost to that which she was certain didn't exist?

And so she didn't. She didn't feel anything. In an ending lacking the grace of her cousin's, and the magnificence she felt she deserved, Voldemort's final lieutenant fell.


	18. Albus Dumbledore again

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Albus Dumbledore

Albus Dumbledore looked from the face of the scared boy before him to the face of the man behind him.

And in that moment a flash of understanding passed between them. Yet the mutual comprehension was met with resistance. Loathe though Albus was to admit it, it was met with resistance from both parties.

Because he didn't want to die. Why would he? There was so much more that he needed to do. There was knowledge, and instruction, that needed to be passed to Harry Potter. There was too much at stake to leave anyone in the least bit underprepared. There were things that needed to be checked, theories to be followed up, books to be read. Relationships to be fixed.

But none were the real reason why Albus Dumbledore feared death so. Death brought with it final answers. Conclusions to long ago actions. Unwanted proof. It brought condemnation for past sins.

As Severus Snape raised his wand, Albus Dumbledore was scared, for the first time in a long, long time, for himself.


	19. Epilogue

Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own anything. I'm just playing with JKR's dolls.

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Epilogue

Harry Potter gazed up at the recently erected monument. Scarcely a week had passed since the Final Battle, and yet that which he stood before had appeared almost overnight.

It was thing of beauty, despite the severe angles, and the solemnity which it stood for. It almost appeared as if it had grown from the ground as opposed to being a construct of men. And, Harry thought to himself, that may well be the case – one could never hope to understand all of the secrets that Hogwarts itself hid.

The symbolism of the obelisk, simultaneously separate and united with the sacrifice that it stood in remembrance of, was not lost on him as it would be on many in the future. The obelisk - an ancient image, as common in both the wizarding and muggle world - standing in place of the first, irrefutable step towards harmony between the two worlds.

Taking a deep breath, Harry walked towards the needle in the early morning light. It was the first time he had dared to approach it since it appeared the morning after the battle, and he knew that, at least for the first time, it was one thing he had to do on his own.

As he reached the base, he looked up at the sheer sides, and smiled when his eyes instantly alighted on two familiar names.

Tentatively, Harry Potter reached out and touched his parents' names.

With that cautious touch came a sense of comfort; he would never accept their deaths, but somehow he felt that he could move on from this point, and continue with his own life.

Removing his hand from the cool stone, he allowed himself to continue around the monument.

Taking in the names, he appreciated the simple beauty of the architecture. He knew that there would be other monuments, ones more extravagant, more expensive. But none would surpass this for conveying the message that they strove to illustrate.

The stone had a magic of its own. It was in the way the light changed the colour of the slate, so it looked to be purple, red, green, and every shade in between. It was in the way that it never cast a shadow. It was in the way that no side was ever more illuminated than the other. It was in the way that the stone didn't discriminate, in the way no name was left off.

As Harry reached what was, indisputably, the final side, he felt a begrudging awe at the wisdom of whoever created the obelisk. For on the final side, there were many names that many would have left off. This plane would, in fact, be a cause of great controversy in the wizarding world in the future. But Harry was grateful for the inclusion.

For on the final side stood the names that had come to symbolise evil over the war torn years. And at the bottom rested four names: Severus Snape, Peter Pettigrew, Bellatrix Lestrange, Tom Riddle.

Evil did not only take the lives of the innocent, or the righteous. It burrowed its way into the weak, the desperate, the uncertain, and stole their hearts and lives just as surely as the people they, in turn, killed. None were impervious to its power.

Stepping back from the obelisk, Harry Potter looked down at the simple brass plaque that offered the only explanation for the compendium of names, and smiled in recognition.

"_Lest we forget."_


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